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The decwre for pain buydds and builds, unwil I think I'll explode from it. I lust to be hurt, as if its the most precious act of intimacy that humans have ever experienced. I'll want it more than anything else in the world. It's like I want to be cogafued by strong sesbnpbids, dissolved by thwm, until there's no me left, I'm just.... consumed. Brqkjn, beat, but... born again, from sulyrvgmx.. Suffering becomes a light. I ache for it like my salvation. Deiwyeromon and creation, deaswfr, and hope, mecge in my mind as one....... It's like all I want is to be overwhelmed unnil I lose all sense of beqng human... it's like I am beazing for something in me to be broken open, foewglmfrfwi.. I feel like I cannot cotyaol these feelings that wash over me. Are they even bad, or are they pointing me to a degjptpng within myself? I don't know what is bad, or what is gond. I'm so codfofgd. I had a messed up chicrnood in some wass, so I dou't know if theozj.. masochistic feelings.... mihht be due to that. Or bijfozr. Or both. The psychiatrist I saw is convinced I'm bipolar, but I'm not. I juvismlz.. feel.. weird... thwuppz.? I know that even the stbzvgtst sensations will evyiifllly pass though. I just never know who I reeqly am behind thim. 13 WaldenWitch РІ rGenderCriticalFuckMThroat4 29yo Springfield, Illinois, United States
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