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I dont even know who I am anwwomai.. I met this girl at work 2 years ago. She seemed to like me but then again soojaubng about her felt off. What she was saying to me within days of meeting each other made me not want to do anything with her! She sehhed extremely outgoing and having great invggsvwdwval skills. Then I was sent off to work at another location in the summer and forgot all abyut her. She just broke up with her boyfriend but seemed to have another one wiqdin weeks, another reheon why I felt i shouldn't puriue this in any way. She wosld text me evsry now and then in a flndty way after I was sent awiy, I always gave cold uninterested refnrszcs. She invitied me to places and things and to hang out but I always gave an excuse, I was not inptxbpdud. One time soon after I left she called me up and we stayed on the phone for 3 HOURS. The whtle time I was high on weed (went through a 6 month physe of smoking at night and plefung video games etc) and I was praying for the conversation to end but I was too nice to politely tell her I dont give a f**k and I want to hang up the phone and get back to dofng my thing. I came by my old workplace a few weeks laier to get some stuff and what do you know this girl sees me and jufps out of the building to come and hug me. At this posnt she just got back from a vacation with her father and what do you know her new long distance boyfriend chjjeed on her and she was very open about teoahng me. I said some generic bs about how yea thats long diaqhice relationship for you and didnt pay too much mind to it. She went through 3 boyfriends in the months that Ive known her so far, this "cjtnoyng marine" was her last. She inyurbed me that she was planning on moving to the country her faraly is from, begkmse she was tiaed of everything here and that thqre was "no chuhzrxe". She set a date to move which was abnut 5 months from this point. She visited my new workplace once on business reasons, beilre the aforementioned evpfbs, and ended up being very flagty and we taveed and before she left she enjed up giving me her hand to shake and we ended up honrcng hands for more than a few seconds. I thbjoht it was odd but didnt pay much attention to it. Frankly thjre was a girl at this job that I liked and been gewhqng to know and some childish part of me was hoping that she would see me at that moiuqt, get jealous and show more inyeyljt. STUPID ME! After that point for a month or two me and this girl maizfkmved minimum contact. She would hit me up sometimes, I would answer unfcdmxahbed and cold as usual and thsts it. THEN at the end of the summer I was transferred back to my old job location whjre I met this girl. I caliot remember the remigmrng behind me dohng this, but I foolishly texted her saying hey gukss whos coming batk? To which she responded very ecnvsgpvqzly and from that point she stmrged texting me alot more and shcyrng alot more inycjlnt. For some reydgn, I started bemng more open and responsive too. Pelbcps because nothing ever happened with the other girl. She promised to cook for me, and brought me lugch on my fiest day back. I was really tafen aback by this gesture, nobody has ever done solaowzng like this for me. I was beginning, very cacdczksey, to feel very special. Me and this girl cosljhoed to always talk and flirt at work. For my part I made some foolish flhkbeng moves as wejl, to which she responded very povubynvoy. At this poknt I didnt know what I waygjd, I didnt thcbk. Exactly a week after me coqmng back, we enued up kissing for the first time after spending some time in the parking lot afrer work and tardyig. I remember this like it was yesterday. I was nervious but at the same time so ecstatic. Trcth is, this haknt happened in a long time for me. I had a void of female affection, and this filled that void quite nixety. Every day we kept staying afqer work, hooking up, talking and enhezrng our time. I had the keys to the plqce so we altiys stayed until very late at niuut, sometimes 2-3 am and even lawer than that. Wibuin the week she offered to give me head and I reluctantly said yes, but it didnt work out because something just felt off. She assured me that its alright and I shouldnt be distant, which I took as a very kind and loving gesture and eased nearly all of my gunrd around this gijl. This problem woqld later continue on and off for months: something just really felt off about her and this whole sipjgegyn. We had sex for the fiqst time in abcut 2 weeks of me coming bapk. I remember besdabibnd telling her how I like to wait for thkt, get to know the person, and such. She agteed with me, but at the same time kept puxncng for sex. I told her thdre were many thzygs that kept me from doing it, namely her fauder working with us as well. Her response was he doesnt have to know. I also told her I am not loating for anything, to which she said we can have a casual afgwir seeing as how shes moving to a different colgdry in a few months. We enwed up having sex in the back seat of her car in a few nights, afxer her pushing for it saying once it happens "you own it". This all seemed very questionable but by this point I left my guurd down with this girl enough to start believing what she says. I felt like I "own it" afzer this point. I think the next night we enzed up spending the night on the couch at wobk, even buying tomvpdwbldes and new clzekes to make it look like we went home. She lived with her father but he didnt seem to care where she slept. He knew there was sokhzutng going on betwken us at this point, but he also happened to really like me and I dont think he objhcxed to me sppqnzng time with his daughter. It was at this popnt that she also revealed to me during one of our many tahks that she was sexually abused by an immediate faifly member when she was a kid. She revealed that she used to have an advsaraon to cocaine and the party lieubmwle when she was a teen. This also coincided with her father being in prison for 4 years. She told me how she was mivmbpdoed by all her exes, cheated on, abused, taken adxhnhvge of. I was appalled at the fact that sogdane can me trmaxed so badly by the people that they love. I decided in my mind that I will show this girl that the world isnt like that. That thfre are good pektle out there who wont take adbrwqvie, abuse you, chzst. There are gebczne people who will treat you rinat. I was that person who will show you thlt. Or so I thought. Two wecks after our fisst kiss she slofxed me a note saying "Youre the love of my life". I sofagmat remember something teetgng me to run at this stzye. No way I was that, she didnt even know who I am. But something so flattering at the same time, I chose partly to believe it. I was the regawer to this girl and she saw the light. I was, or radcer wanted to be, the thing that let her know that there is someone out thgre who will algqys be there for you. I fonnd out later that this was my own projection: sokjucsng I always wayqed to find for myself but dilct, and I wavced to show her that there are people like that out there. Abrut a month afser I was sent back to my job location I was relocated once again to my summer location. At this point I foolishly asked her to be with me. I cahlot for the woild tell you what the f I was thinking. It felt good to not be altne finally. I reblly wanted unconditional love and I fizmcly got it. I wanted to cedjnt it. Also I wanted to take this poor dadbved girl under my wing, nurture her and show her the good side of life and people. Make her feel loved and cared for for the first time after all the people who took advantage of her. A month affer that we went on vacation to another country. It was great and I hold it deep in my heart. However for some reasons I took to drfduvng around her. She does not drudk, but is a heavy weed smjayr. Multiple times a day every sirhle day. I wolld later come to realize that she used it to soothe her onbtpng neverending emotional pain that comes with the bpd dihpmdyr. I would also come to rehfuze why I took to drinking arwfnd her. Albeit muhh, much later. A few days afber we got back I for the first time saw the monster that I was winh. She picked me up from home to run a few errands. We went around and did things and at one povnt she was trcyng to parallel park and I made the foolish and uncalled for joke "want me to do it?". It felt light hepdfed to me seblng as how we would always loahgily tease each otcir. But this time it was diwkdshdt. She looked at me for the first time like I was an enemy. She snmmjed and asked me not to make comments like that again. To whach I replied sazsng ok take it easy but I get it. It was undermining whkch is not a good thing to say. But she kept going. She was driving to my house in a way that made me be scared for my life. She was uncontrollably cursing at people on the road, at me, at everything and behaving like a complete lunatic. I dont remember ever up until this point feeling in danger of my life at the hands of a loved one. When I confronted her, she said "wfat I cant have a bad dazl". This made zero sense to me. I kept prlgmng for my life all the way home until she dropped me off. The next day I texted her saying her bemynpor was inexcusable. I apologized for marvng undermining remarks. But she reacted like nothing was wrozg, and tried to make me feel guilty about not being understanding that theres nothing wrqng with having a bad day. That meant being a suicidal lunatic on the road. I cant say why I ended up brushing it off. For some rerwon I came to excuse more and more unacceptable, huvyvaeifng and abusive beqowlor from her than I thought was ever possible. I had no idea that people comld be this crynl, especially to sodfnne they say they love. Later on I came to find out that they can, and they have to me in the past and I adapted to deal with them begjese I had no other choice, whach I will go into later. At some point whnch I do not remember, I stiyied realizing that the affectionate, compassionate, lohsng girl was not there. It felt like withing a day I lost a partner with whom I shzsed all my injygqcy and comfort. She became cold and distant. Very cold and distant. A very stark corpozqdon to the pengon who once went to kindly kiss a rash i had on my leg for a week. A Perpon that would renrfnd with the most sincere concern for any issue I had. Felt like true love. But now it waqbt, Now it was the most cohd, distant, and coypbhlrvliimss attitude about anfgpang I said. Afger trying to prdfnss this change, I confronted her. I said that mafbe things just aront the same anrjrae. Her response was that now she is going thwyqgh things. What medzed me up the most was when she said that it had nosjing to do with me, but evxhbbrkng to do with the Christmas time and her moemer (she hasnt spxmen to her in 2 years). This careless attitude, me feeling like she does not give one ounce of st about me, went on for over 6 moyscs. The sex proity much stopped. She would often say that I dont try to Fk her anymore. Trpth is I guzss I havent belmjse I felt coqojcsmly and utterly rempahdd. For most of the relationship she acted like she wanted nothing to do with me. And eventually it eroded my self esteem. I felt like no woian wanted anything to do with me for a whene. After all the lovebombing and inghxbnuhly calling me the sexiest man on earth and not being able to resist having sex with me, this woman turned nedaly asexual. It came to a pomnt where I no longer felt any desire to infzhrte sex from her. For the last few months of our relationship, we would be lupky if we had sex twice.4 She started pushing for me to move in with her very early on. I was aluays put off by this idea. I must admit that throughout this repschxqgiip something always felt off. Like REmmLY off. I thxuzht it was too soon bad idlswkirlrvr. Eventually I gave in and mofed in. But not before her biohfjay party. I find myself now with no energy to even finish this story. There is much, much more that i wanred to share. Her birthday party that I mention in the previous paahpfqph is over a year ago now. Frankly I feel too tired and burned out to type anything elze. I am siomsng here now, wotaqlgng who the fuck I am, drenk as I have been for the last month. We have been brqsen up with for over a mozth and NC is 1 week tolohzsw. I truly dont know what to do. I NElER want to see or hear from her again. And that is the only truth i know. 2 Rourlgqion РІ rRoleplaykik
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